Cambodia: Departing

The blinding reflection of a foot of new snow horrified us. When we came back from Fiji after New Year's we landed in the midst of the biggest snowstorm Korea had experienced in over 100 years. The trip from the airport to our apartment took nearly five hours- half the time it took to fly the 5,000 miles back from the archipelago in the South Pacific to the peninsula we call home. It was a nightmare of frozen subway rails and pushy Asians, but we had survived. Would we be so lucky this time?

We decided to take no chances and left a solid 7 hours in advance of our scheduled flight. We trudged the half mile to the subway station and made it to the airport in an hour and a half. This left a good five and a half hours to kill.

It was Sami's idea to use a week of vacation time to experience Cambodia. During one of her Global Studies classes, she taught a lesson on genocide and had been fascinated by the Khmer Rouge.

Tuol Sleng- the school turned torture chamber, the killing fields and most of the other brutal reminders of Pol Pot's regime are located around Phnom Penh, but for a variety of reasons (chiefly cost), we were headed to Siem Reap to see the vaunted Angkor Wat.

Although I initially played the role of eager tag-along, more than pleased to simply experience a few days of sufficient sunshine anywhere away from the biting Siberian winds- It wouldn't take long for me to find myself drowning in a dusty, sorrowful land of mystery and wonder.

Remember the feeling you had as a kid when you finally stopped crying, past even the point when you were faking it? It felt kind of good didn't it? That is what Cambodia felt like for me. Not once during our trip was I able to swallow that lump in my throat. I was just so darned happy to be in each moment.

For me, Cambodia is a place that I will always go back to when I need to clear my head of complications. For the next few days, or however long it takes, I will attempt to recapture some of the feelings I experienced during our trip. I doubt I will be successful, but it sure will be a lot of fun to try.

Coming in Part Two: Incheon Airport fun and the landing

Today's Lunch- Jajangmyeon (Black Bean Noodles)

On the ride back from Uljin Snow Crab Festival we watched a Korean movie called Kim-ssi-pyo-ryoo-gi (translates as "Castaway on the Moon"). It was actually a pretty entertaining story about a man who attempts suicide by jumping off a bridge in Seoul, only to wake up washed ashore on an island on the Han River. The man soon finds that life isn't so bad where he has landed, so he attempts to establish permanent residence on the private island.

When a package of ramen noodles washes up on his beach with the seasoning packet unopened, he begins to obsessively crave black bean noodles- scolding himself for all of the times he turned down the dish in his previous life.

He uses the seeds in bird poop to plant a little garden and eventually makes noodles from the corn he grows. After months of hard work, he takes his first bite of noodles and weeps.

Naturally, after seeing this movie, I developed my own craving for black bean noodles, or jajangmyeon. Today I had the instant kind, but I also bought some chunjang, or black bean paste, so I can make my own one of these days.

The ramen comes with a sauce that you heat inside its package under boiling water. There are small bits of vegetables in the sauce like potatoes and carrots. It tastes more bitter than regular soybean paste (doenjang), something I would liken to espresso or the aftertaste of a burned mocha. There is a sweetness at the end that reminds me of soy sauce.

Maybe this description doesn't make jajangmyeon, one of my favorite foods so far, sound all that appealing. Certainly, the picture above doesn't do it any justice either. However, I suggest you try it for yourself.

Like kimchi, you may not like it all that much at first, but it gets better each time. Soon, you begin to crave it, just like the guy in the Korean movie.

Getting Crabs in Uljin (Part 3)

Nauseous and in no way hungry, we were herded into a nearby restaurant to sample the famous Uljin snow crab. The sight of about 50 crabs lined up on individual plates started me off on the road to gaining my bearings. Sami had never eaten a whole crab before and wasn't sure what to do. I told her to use the scissors and cut the crab legs at each joint, then push the meat through with one chopstick. Poultry scissors are the norm here. Instead of a knife, they use the scissors to cut their meat before it is barbecued. I can see myself bringing this practice home.






After the crab snack, we left for the hotel/spa. We stopped at a store along the way so the kids could pick up booze. Our tour guide gently reminded us that we had to be up early the next morning for a hike.

Would you believe that right after we checked in it was time to eat AGAIN! We had samgyupsal and doenjang chigae.





Doenjang chigae is one of my favorite Korean foods and when we are back in the U.S. I am absolutely going to make it. I haven't made it completely the authentic way yet, but I just need to get one more ingredient at the store the next time we go and it will be all good.

Basically it is a soup flavored with soy bean paste called doenjang. It contains tofu, shellfish, garlic and vegetables like zucchini and maybe squash or onions. It is pretty salty and I like to tone it down when I eat it by plunging a spoonful of rice in to soak up the flavor and then eat the lovin' spoonful. I am not sure if this is the right way to do things, but I haven't been called out on it yet. Also, as a side note, I have started eating the Korean way which is to have chopsticks in your right hand and a spoon in your left. You are supposed to pick up the rice with your chopsticks and place it on the spoon before bringing the spoon to your mouth. Sounds like an extra step doesn't it?

After we ate we went back to our room. The few hotels we have stayed in since we have been here follow the same general format- one large open room and one bathroom with a shower but no showercurtain, guests sleep on the heated floor with a mountain of blankets and pillows provided.

We roomed with a nice couple from Canada and we swapped horror stories about our first few weeks here. They were stranded upon arrival and had a nightmare first few hours in Korea. We told them about Sami's jet boat injury and having to find an open hospital on Korea's second biggest holiday, Chuseok (yep, another post idea).

Despite the party in neighboring rooms' game of late night drunken tag, I slept pretty well.

The next morning I rose eager to hit the spa. This spa did not have a steam room or a sauna, but it did have two hot tubs (one hot, one really hot) and a cold tub. There is no better feeling than jumping right into the cold tub I say.

There were also a few rows of mini showers that are only about four feet high and have a detachable shower head. You sit on a stool to bathe yourself. It was here that I saw a few nude fathers washing down their nude sons. That is my queue to leave I thought.

To round out the trip, we finished off with a nice morning hike through the mountainous terrain of the east coast of South Korea. Even though the sky was a bit hazy, the cool air felt perfect.




With this lasting image, our trip came to an end. We were back on the bus eager jockey for position on the notoriously claustrophobic subway.

A Visit from Flat Stanley

Today I was visited by an American all the way from Scottdale, Pennsylvania. His name is Flat Stanley and he is a good friend of Austin Bixler, a student in Mrs. Kaylor's Geography class at Southmoreland Middle School.


Flat Stanley came to visit me at Guji Elementary School in Guri, South Korea. Guri is located about 10 miles to the east of Seoul and a whopping 6,818 miles from Scottdale!

I wasted no time in putting Flat Stanley to work, and he really seemed to enjoy teaching English to third graders. He started out by attempting to explain that today is a very special day in parts of the western world: St. Patrick's Day, or as it is know in Korea- Wednesday!

You should have seen the blank stares Stanley received when he told the youngsters to pinch anyone who neglects to wear green. They wondered aloud,
"Why not just pinch, punch and kick your friends in class everyday like we do here?"

March is the start of the school year in Korea, so today's lesson was very simple. Basically, the kids just reviewed saying "hello," and "goodbye."

Stanley really wowed them when he shrunk himself down to get a closer look at the textbook.






All of this hard work made Stanley very hungry. During lunchtime, he was treated to one of Korea's most famous foods- bibimbap, or mixed rice. The rice contained bean sprouts, mushrooms and beef and was mixed together with a spicy red pepper sauce. There was also kimchi and a serving of eggdrop soup with tofu. Stanley had never tried tofu before, but it wasn't too bad!

The cooks must have known that Stanley was coming to visit, because they prepared his favorite- spaghetti! The spaghetti was a little bit different than the kind his mom used to make. It was surprisingly sweet and had carrots in the sauce as well as green peppers, onions and mushrooms. The hardest part was trying to eat the spaghetti with chopsticks, but Stanley eventually got the hang of it.





A piece of cinnamon toast accompanied the meal, which Stanly thought strange, but tasty none-the-less. For dessert, Stanley ate 3 small tangerines, known as gyool. They come from Jeju island just south of the Korean penninsula and they were the sweetest oranges he had ever tasted!



After lunch, Stanley headed out to the playground to work off the extra serving of spaghetti. He joined some new friends for a game of soccer and even posed for pictures with some of my favorite students.



















Today was a special day at Guji Elementary School. All of the students' parents came to visit with the homeroom teachers. Stanley was called into the student broadcasting room to be introduced to everyone on TV! Stanley was impressed with all of the broadcasting equipment.




I had a great time with my new pal Flat Stanley. I wish he could have stayed longer, but he said that he was off to another part of the world. He told me that the best part about being flat is that he can travel around the globe for the cost of a postage stamp. I hope he had a good time in Korea and always remembers Guji Elementary School, soccer and Korean spaghetti.

Getting Crabs in Uljin (Part 2)

The bus ride took about 5 hours total including the time it took to slurp up a bowl of udon noodles at a rest stop. Rest stops in Korea are pretty sweet. There aint too many of 'em, but the few they do have make any rest area off of I-5 seem like "Hamsterdam" from The Wire. Each one is like a cross between a mall food court, a small carnival, an outlet mall and a museum gift shop.

I first learned about Chicken Coke at a Korean rest stop (ice cold Coke on the bottom and hot juicy chicken nuggets on top separated by a plastic divider that leaves room for a straw to reach the soda) and I have heard there are others where you can take swings in the batting cage and also pet rabbits in a petting zoo. Anyway, I usually go with a bowl of noodles on these bus trips. It seems to ward off motion sickness.

Upon arrival, we were immediately met by three photographers. This is not uncommon. It is an understood phenomena: festival pamphlets are forever festooned with photos of friendly foreign faces. At least once or twice a week we find booklets hanging on the door to our apartment with ads from all of the local restaurants around town. They each feature images of happy white people.

Our first photo shoot took place inside a showroom featuring two large pools filled with water and crabs in the middle surrounded by two dozen or so smaller aquariums showcasing individual species of crab. There were king crabs, dungeness, a big 'ole lobster etc. This festival celebrates Uljin's native snow crabs. We were ordered to line up, grab a crab, and cheesily ham it up for the cameras.

Next we moved on to the main festival area. We immediately spied a giant, gold pained statue of half a snow crab emerging (sinking?) from the ground- pincers extended skyward. Moments later, we stumbled into a couple of mascots- people in big head costumes with police uniforms on. Both of these sights are absurdly Korean. We do not hesitate to snap pictures with each.

Weaving through the pantheon of food vendors, we slowed at the sight of something familiar. We purchased two waffle pies- a waffle folded in half with marshmallow creme in the middle. I could have eaten eight.

Next we (I) tried something less familiar- roasted silkworm pupa- which is actually pretty common here and can be found in cans like tuna. It tasted meaty and salty, but the texture wasn't too fun- kinda like chewing a piece of UPS packaging. Notice I said "it" tasted meaty and not "they." I only had one.

Since we didn't want to buy anything that we would have to take with us and because I am fat, we decided to eat an actual meal at one of the many sit down food tents. We knew that we were going to have our fill of crab later, so we shared some beef soup and rice. We also each had a beer. I am always trying to get Sami to drink soju- the spirit of choice here that tastes like a sweet, weak vodka (about 20% alcohol), but she wasn't having it. Later, an adjuma (term for an older Korean woman, often a derogatory term but this lady was sweet) came over to ask us a few enthusiastic questions. I thought that she was asking if we enjoyed the food, which we no doubt greatly did, so I kept replying yes (ne in Korean). Well, I guess she was asking if we wanted more, so she brought us another bowl. Sami always gives me a hard time for just saying yes and smiling as a response. Lesson learned.

Next we moved on to the main event- constructing the world's largest kimbahp. Kimbahp is Korean sushi, but instead of raw fish, the seaweed covered rice is rolled around pickled radish, cucumber, ham, egg and, in this case, snow crab. I am not exactly sure how long this kimbahp was, but we were stationed somewhere near the middle and could not see either end. Step by step we quickly but carefully added each ingredient. When it came time to roll, our section would not cooperate. We blame the supervisor for not overlapping the seaweed paper enough. Sorry Guiness Book of Records enthusiasts. Maybe next year.

After swallowing a few hunks of the worlds longest broken kimbahp, we boarded a crabbing boat for a ride on the bumpy Sea of Japan (or as it is known by Koreans who despise all things Japanese, the East Sea).

During the ride, Sami stayed on the bottom deck to avoid seasickness and I went up top to the bow to embrace it. I ended up talking to a dude who went to Portland State (coincidence), taught at Rosa Parks Elementary School (bigger coincidence) and who used to take his students on field trips to Overlook Park (biggest coincidence of them all). My mom grew up basically on top of the park in North Portland and my grandmother still resides there. I guess after running into a Mormom missionary from my hometown of Ontario, OR at the post office near our apartment in Korea last month, nothing should surprise me.

When we touched back on solid ground my motion sickness was so bad that no amount of rest stop noodles could cure me.

Coming in Part 3: More eating, more eating, a spa and a hike.

10 Ways I De-Fattened

Update! 196lbs to 163lbs

I am posting this fully aware of the ridicule that lies in store from my family (wife especially) and the Collier boys. If any of my fraternity brothers stumble across it, I imagine they to be understanding. Most of them are as body-conscious as I.

The top is me at a wet and doughy 196 lbs. This pic was snapped in 2007 on the big island of Hawaii, but as recently as June of last year, I weighed the same. The bottom image is me looking shiny-gay-noir at around 172 lbs last month (note: now 163 lbs). This morning I tipped the scales at 166 lbs (but you know, hadn't eaten, just finished working out. Don't worry mom).

As a fan of "The Biggest Loser," I understand that 30 lbs is not much, and of course 200lbs is the weight that many of the contestants on that show aspire to reach, so I have no room to boast. Still, for a long time I have been less than happy with my rotundness. I figure, what they hey, let's document a few things that factor into how I dropped my 30 pounds so that when I fatten up again, I can go back and figure out how to lose it.

As best as I can figure it, here are t top 10:

1. Moved to Korea. It is amazing how when you don't speak the language, you tend to avoid going out to eat (update: we've actually been progressing pretty well with our Korean through a killer site called livemocha.com). Also, Korean food does seem to be relatively healthier than the fare we had grown accustomed to- more vegetables and fruits and not as much meat. I apologize, but whoever said white rice is bad for you is full of excrement. I love my rice cooker, and of course, always remember to wash the rice first to get rid of the starchiness (Connie, if you ever read this, thanks for the tip!). Our biggest meal of the day is usually lunch, which is provided by our schools. They have metal trays with pockets for each food item (just like prison!). This undoubtedly helps with portion control, which is probably the best thing for me. I absolutely refuse to limit what I eat or deny myself a craving. I like food too much. In fact, if it is made out of food, I will eat it.

2. Got married. I told myself I would get down to 180lbs for our wedding in July. I kept putting it off until the day after I saw our engagement pictures. I was not happy. Years from now our future children will look at our engagement pictures, wedding pictures and Korea pics and wonder why daddy was shrinking. Apologies to the mini-mes nestled in my epididymis. It's just that daddy is vain, but also likes to procrastinate.

3. Ate breakfast every day. Sami taught me this one. Sure, it is only a bowl of cornflakes, but I never forget. All I know is that I used to skip it and I was fat.

4. Didn't snack after dinner. Well, most of the time. We have a little convenience store that serves the people in the apartment complex and we often times swing by for a treat. I am quite fond of these little drumstick ice-cream cones. They also have another kind of ice cream which is a cup of vanilla with strawberry syrup on top, and then you eat that all the way down to the cup and from the top of the cup to the bottom is sherbet. Brilliant! The main difference is that I only eat that small serving of ice-cream now whereas before it was a bigass bowl of Tillamook mudslide with extra chocolate syrup on top (I miss you grandma Kate!). Mostly though, I really don't eat after dinner.

5. Stopped being obsessed with getting big. When I was in high school I hated being skinny. I ate terribly. I lifted weights (my dad was always a big weightlifter, and I took to the hobby as well). I tried weight gaining supplements. Nothing worked. I was just too active to get over the 160 lb. hump. During college, many of my friends at SigEp were weightlifting enthusiasts, so I continued as well. I even bought "Pumping Iron" with Arnold, which is awesome. Sadly, I thought that in order for me to look big, I had to be at least 200 lbs. Since the move to Korea, I have stopped taking whey protein, creatine, nitric oxide, leukic hardcore etc. Sure, I have probably lost muscle and cannot max as much, but I feel better. I also don't spend all day at the gym like I used to. I go hard for 45 minutes to an hour, shower and bounce.

6. Started squatting! Despite being plump up top, I have always had (and probably always will without calf implants) skinny legs. I hated doing squats, mainly because I couldn't lift as much as others in the gym and was embarrassed. Now, I am in an entirely different country! I can be a new person! Who cares how much I squat! What are you looking at Korean dude?! I see you spending a half our on the belt-massage thingy. You ain't gonna squat much either! Seriously though, I have heard that squats aid in weight loss and trigger muscle-growth. I just know that I used to skip them, and I was fat.

7. Ran more. Actually this is a lie. I don't think that I am running any more than I used to, which has never been much. During the summer I enjoy running outside, but I usually stick to the treadmill once or twice a week for a half hour each time. I don't know if all treadmills are created equal, but I like to run on level 12 for a lap and then level 16 for a lap. I keep doing eggshells like that until I am too tired and then run on 12 until I get to the 30 minutes. I am kind of a wuss and don't do the incline. In fact I tried it a few weeks ago and felt like my lungs were half filled with melted milkshake.

8. Went straight to the gym after work. I found a nice gym (despite the locker room- see previous post) that is very close to my school. I make sure to walk straight there after work and not look back. It is true that actually going to the gym is half the battle. Even though our apartment is just as close to the gym, if I swing by home first I will be stuck shouting out answers to Jeopardy! and the Wheel (yes, we get both of those shows).

9. Stopped eating fast food. It's not that you can't find it here. In fact McDonald's is very close. It is just that we are living on such a shoestring budget- attempting to pay off debt while still taking advantage of the opportunity to travel, that 10 bucks (or the equivalent in wan) is hard to justify. This works pretty well because I am sure that no matter how much oil and sodium I put into a meal at home, it is less than at Mickey D's. I used to crave a crunch wrap from Taco Bell, or onion rings from Burger King, or a Big Mac from you-know-where, or 2 tacos from Jack-in-the-Krizzle, or a Ranch Hand with extra fry sauce and a chocolate shake from Burger West (that's Ontario speak for all you neophytes), or nuggets with BBQ sauce from Wendy's, or a crisp meat burrito with thousand for dipping from Taco Time, or a McChicken with extra mayo from you-know-where, or a BBQ beef sandwich and Heath Blizzard from Dairy Queen, or a Tillamook Bacon Cheeseburger and marionberry shake from Burgerville, or a chocolate hazelnut shake from Burgerville, or a pumpkin shake from Burgerville, or two little cheeseburgers with mouseshit onions, pickles and warm ketchup from you-know-where, or a two-entree from Panda Express, or a Big Montana and mozzarella sticks from Arby's, but you know what? Now I think that I would rather eat Korean food. I was so excited at the airport as we waited for our flight to Fiji to eat at Burger King. I had a Whopper with bacon and onion rings. It was delish, of course, but I just felt dirty afterward. Two months later while we waited for our flight to Cambodia, we had Korean. I ordered the soft tofu stew and it was wonderful.

10. Most importantly, became less stressed and happier. Sure there are many other little things that probably helped me drop a few- not having a car and walking everywhere comes to mind- but I think that more than anything I am in a good place with my best friend. Although, I still wouldn't mind a you-know-what from you-know-where.

Getting Crabs in Uljin (Part 1)

Koreans are way into festivals. Or maybe it is just that Adventure Korea Travel Club, the tour guide that caters to young ESL teachers and people of our ilk, believes the festivals showcase the best of Korea.

Earlier in the winter we hit up an ice festival in Hwacheon north near the DMZ that is visited by over one million people in its three weekend run. I also hear that there is a festival honoring a special mushroom that grows on pine trees coming up. This post is about the snow crab festival we checked out two weekends ago.

We woke up at 5:30 to catch a subway that would take us, after two transfers, to the meeting spot at Express Bus Terminal in the heart of Seoul at 7:00 a.m. I suppose this is as good a time as any to mention a few observations I have made regarding the Seoul Metropolitan Subway:

1) Forget ladies first. These people are all about elders first. They take the elderly section of the subway very seriously. Most young people will give up their seats without hesitation to someone who looks older, regardless of the section. The only exception to this is if the young person is pretending to sleep, which is a common and crafty move.

2) Observation #1 does not apply to entering or exiting the subway. If you are in the way, you will get rolled.

3) As a whitey, you will undoubtedly draw quick glances from all passengers. Most people will only look a fraction of a second and then return to staring straight ahead, or pretend to sleep. Older riders will most likely take a longer look because they just don't give a shit.

4) The seats are heated. Ballin'!

5) There is more, but maybe I should save it for another post down the road complete with pictures.

Overall, I can't really complain about the subway. It is a great system- efficient, inexpensive and easy to use. Pretty incredible when you realize that over 3 million people ride it each day.

Anyway, once we get to the bus terminal we make sure to muscle our way into one of the front pairs of seats. This isn't our first rodeo so we come prepared with earplugs, sleep masks and neck pillows.

Do I feel like a big nerd in the front of the bus being anti-social while the cool kids in the back whoop it up? Maybe a little. But I am of the opinion that 27 is a lot different than 22. Isolation may also play a factor into all of this. Think about it. Most of these people go the whole week speaking very little English. When they do have the opportunity to use it, all humor is lost on the subject, and they most likely will be required to repeat themselves half a dozen times. They are also living by themselves in tiny studios. I don't entirely blame them for letting loose. However, on this particular trip, the group was a little worse than usual.

With more people applying to teach in Korea, because of the economy or what-have-you, the government has started to become more selective in their hiring of foreign teachers. I think the days of bringing in kids right out of college without teaching degrees are over. However, this last wave of renegades remains, and as much as it pains me to say it, many of these "teachers" are not painting the best picture of American tact.

Case in point: On this trip, I hear one young American "teacher" boisterously complain that Korean women in general are lackluster and unenthusiastic during intimate moments, or to use his words, "They just lay there and fake cry."

Later on an Australian in our group would be caught urinating in public. Hmmm, do you think your typical Korean is going to be able to discern that the rogue peeer prefers Fosters to Bud? Didn't think so.

Coming in Part 2: eating silkworm pupa, a new Guiness World Record broken and a bumpy ride on the Sea of Japan