Muay Thai and Lady -Boys

As much as I envision myself plugged in to American culture and events, living abroad the past 21 months has undoubtedly hampered my ability to share in my home country's collective conscience. Sure, I know when the big things occur- killing bin Laden, the Ft. Hood shooting and Gabby Giffords for example- and I can probably even recite the weather forecasts from the Pacific Northwest further out than many current residents. But that doesn't mean that I can imagine the cold rain steadily dropping and soaking the front of a pair of khakis. I experienced terror and shame when I read of the senseless violence in a Tucson Safeway parking lot, but it felt a world away. Like reading from a novel. Even the reactions espoused from comparatively meaningless occurrences- the likes of which are obsessed over by my generation- are lost on me. I can't for the life of me understand why so many people hate LeBron James for taking less money to play for a contender, and I don't see even ironic humor in "The Jersey Shore."

When it comes to movies, I am downright pathetic. No, I have not seen Avatar. The last movie I saw in a theater before we left for Korea was The Hangover. Now the sequel is out and I recently learned that the plot of The Hangover II is set in Bangkok. While Bangkok has a reputation as a debauched city specializing in sexual deviancy, I can safely assure all friends and family out there that our experience in the Thai capitol was nothing like that of Zack Galifianakis or 'Nard Dog. In fact, the only real taste we got of that famous gender ambiguity was from our lady-boy hotel receptionist. He/she wasn't all that friendly, and the only thing that sticks out in my mind from our encounter was the confusing tickle of his/her fingernails scraping my palm as she dispensed the change from a root beer purchase.

We did, however, seek out something Bangkok is equally famous for- Muay Thai, the national sport of Thailand. Muay Thai is often referred to as Thai kickboxing and, although I am far from an expert, I would call that a fair comparison. The only difference that I see is that Muay Thai competitors are tiny, the heaviest fighters were under 120 lbs. or around 55 kg. Some were even under 100 lbs.

Our plan was to buy tickets at the door. We walked into the stadium and before we reached the ticket counter we were accosted by good looking young women who attempt to sell only to foreigners. Their job is to sell the ringside seats, and downplay the rest of the auditorium by making false claims such as it is standing room only or too far away to see. By an unusual act of persistence brought on by lack of funds, we were able to persevere past the hot hawkers and buy tickets at the counter for the cheap seats.

We arrived early to an empty stadium, but we could already see that we made a wise choice. Fat white people in shorts and sandals, and young MMA wannabes sat ringside in cushioned chairs while the true fans roamed our section taking and placing bets. There were ten fights on the card and with each match, more and more of the true fans came in. Eventually, we moved out of their way and peered through the chain link fence in a calmer section.

The stadium was over 30 years old and looked it. Seats were concrete slaps and the timer and scoreboard looked like something out of the movie Hoosiers. Before each fight, the competitors would perform a strange squatting dance ritual called Wai Khru Ram Muay, which is done to show respect for the opponent and the crowd , and also serves as a prayer to Buddha.

The fighting itself is fast and furious. The fighters perform strikes with their fists, elbows, knees and feet in addition to clinching and grappling techniques. We found that the first round or two would start out slow as each fighter attempted to figure the other one out, but by the end it was a free for all swinging frenzy. We never could figure out how the score was kept, and no one was ever knocked out. The gamblers in the crowd gasped and cheered at actions we couldn't figure out. They were quite partial to the kicks to the legs, while we looked forward to punches in the face. Soon we decided to make our own little game of guessing who the winner was at the end of the fight. I think we were right a little more than half of the time.

Afterward we went back to the hotel where I hoped to hop online and catch up on the news from the states. Remembering that our laptop was broken from the night before, I sat down with the lady-boy receptionist and talked Muay-Thai.