Soju Diaries: Snakes and Other Animals (Last Day in Bangkok)

If the itinerary for our last day in Bangkok looks to you like something an eleven year-old boy came up with, it is because I was put in charge of planning. The first place we visited was the Queen Saovabha Memorial Institute, which is one of the largest snake farms and venom research institutes in the world. Our goal was to make it in time for the morning milking, but we arrived late to an empty museum. Luckily, Sami found a door to the auditorium and we moved quickly down the stairs where a group of onlookers- families with young children and college aged tourists- sat facing handlers behind glass hoisting a king cobra with a hooked rod. The researcher in charge wore a white lab coat and prattled off Thai and English factoids through a headset microphone. As he spoke, two men forced the cobra's upper palate over a glass to release the poisonous discharge. From our distance, the snake looked like a thick bullwhip held the wrong way and after it was milked of its venom it snapped violently at its molesters and elicited a collective frightened gasp from the onlookers. Coyly undeterred, the experts efficiently packed the reptile away to its home inside the museum, where it would remain untouched by human hands until its next scheduled milking in three months.

The museum houses dozens of exotic snakes from Southeast Asia and other tropical areas around the globe. When the snakes aren't being rid of their toxic poisons for use in anti-venom, they can be viewed in their individual living areas by visitors like us. Some of the snakes, like the albino king cobra, were easy to spot, while others hid camouflaged in trees or discreetly coiled in corners. Sami and I made a game out of trying to spot each snake before the other. She won most of the time. I would love to take this time to provide the scientific name for each snake we viewed in addition to an artistically detailed description of the beauty of these misunderstood creatures, but Sami erased most of the pictures I took. In her defense, I did take too many, and it can become a pain trying to download all of them.

The signs on the outside of each cage had great info like where the fangs are located, what habitat the snake prefers, does it lay eggs or birth baby snakies, is it nocturnal, how poisonous etc.

Here is the albino cobra

I forgot most of what we learned upstairs in the museum portion of the institute, but I fondly recall the moment we both realized that the male snake actually has two penises, or hemi-peni. We took delight in telling our friends that what the organ they ate of a snake in Vietnam wasn't what they thought it was, and was in fact a double portion.

Afterward, we took a cab to Dusit Zoo. Even though by mid-day it was scorching hot, the zoo was a nice refuge from the noisy city. There is a large lake in the middle of the zoo where you can rent paddle boats, and lots of shade along the paved walkway. We found the zoo quite large and a little difficult to navigate. Despite its spaciousness, it doesn't seem like many of the animals have much room to roam. For instance, the giraffes (who crane their necks down to take food from patrons and have heads the size of Volkswagens) have only a small circle of space to roam around in. My theory is that this forced claustrophobic state distresses them, and they take out their aggression on the poor ostriches that share the same cramped quarters. One ostrich walks around with its tail feathers all plucked to shit and looking like discarded fish bones. Similarly, the tigers and Asiatic bears occupy a space no bigger than our apartment. It is a little depressing.

Giraffe and ostrich

Tiger don't seem worried bout lack of space

Nor does the Asiatic Black Bear

This komodo dragon what just roaming the park. At least I think it is a komodo dragon. At the time I thought it could have been a monitor lizard, but then I did see monitor lizards in The Philippines and they were much smaller. Anyway, I thought I should take a picture with it.

But I was too chicken to get any closer than this.

Don't get me wrong. I had a great time at the zoo. I always do. What made this one even more special, in addition to the impressive display of colorful and exotic birds, were all of the unique signs and questionable translations. You can judge for yourself. Maybe it's the type of humor only an eleven year old can appreciate. And me.