Ice Cream Bar

I was inspired to write this after a friend sent me a step by step explanation of how you become owned by a sandwich.

I have eaten very few sandwiches here in Korea, but I have consumed many an ice cream bar. Lately I have become borderline obsessed with this little guy.

If you eat this the conventional way, by holding the stick and taking a bite out of the top (and really, what moron wouldn't? I am convinced you can give it to a monkey and it would hold the stick and bite the top. Maybe one of the dumber monkeys would use two hands and eat it like corn on the cob. Stupid monkeys.) it tastes like coconut. Not raw coconut, sweetened mind you.

Sami says that it doesn't taste like coconut, rather ice-milk, but I say baloney. If anyone knows about coconut and all its glory, it's me. I am the coconut master. I'll prove it:

Almond Joy is my favorite candy bar and my favorite cake is German Chocolate (after ice cream cake and any cake with rainbow chip frosting. Oooh! and red velvet cake too. Or any really moist chocolate cake, but none of that store bought crap! Anyway, after that German Chocolate is my fave for sure. Wait, cheesecake isn't really cake right?). Proof enough?

As the Coconut Master, I declare the flavor of the start of this ice cream bar to be coconut.

 Just look at that heavenly coconut (non-ice milk) glow

It is funny because I used to hate coconut as a kid and now I love it. It is that way with all of my favorite foods: onions, tomatoes, mushrooms...I am even beginning to be able to stomach cantaloupe, which would have been unheard of even a few years ago (by the way, I apologize for throwing in talk of mushrooms and tomatoes when we were in cake and ice-cream land. That's just wrong).

Basically, I am beginning to pride myself on enjoying, or at the very least tolerating everything made out of food. Except the other day I bought some dried octopus "jerky." It was black and tasted like a cross between Beech Nut chewing tobacco and the ocean's anus. I gave it away to a couple of my students the next day and they reacted as if one of Willy Wonka's golden tickets was tucked away in the tentacles. They love that stuff.

After slurping down the coconut ice milk, the bar reveals its first pleasant surprise- a hard chocolate shell. I prefer to take a delicate bite of the outer shell and carefully avoid the encased ice cream. The feel and sound of the cracking of hard chocolate on my teeth is quite pleasant.

The second surprise lies just underneath- cookies n' cream. Because plain old vanilla (or coconut) would have been too easy.

 Gettin soupy! It is blurry to me because I am drunk on flavor.

Now I am not going to lie and say that C n' C (the flavor not the music factory) is my number one. I am and always will be a mint chocolate chip guy. There is no mint chocolate chip here in Korea though. At least I haven't found it. I dunno, maybe it reminds them of toothpaste or something. If you see green ice cream it is either melon (ew) or green tea (which tastes like barley).

Speaking of, I remember reading that Timothy McVeigh's last meal was two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Not a bad choice considering the only thing that could cure an ice cream headache after two pints is a jolt of high voltage electricity to the temple. Still, why not go pulled pork sandwich, mac n' cheese, baked beans AND the ice cream?

However, even though it is not my first choice, cookies n' cream is always a hit and I can prove it: I know you have your favorite Blizzard from DQ- mine is Heath bar and, of course, Banana Cream Pie is a refreshing seasonal summertime treat- but no matter what it is, you always go back to Oreo and it never disappoints.

So that's it. Nothing but the stick left. It only took three minutes (okay two) to ingest three separate desserts, magically frozen into one bar. I want another one. At 700 wan (about 65 cents) I just might go for it.

Say Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh