Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Bad on the Hantan

This past weekend we rafted the Hantan River near the DMZ in the northeast. We rode with Adventure Korea who had planned the entire outing for us. Like all of our Adventure Korea trips, we woke up at the butt of dawn and hoofed it to the subway station where we then took a 45 minute ride (one transfer) to the Express Bus Terminal in Seoul. From there we hopped on one of two buses carrying about 70 people. Unlike all of the other excursions we have taken with AK, this one was only a day trip, and instead of sitting in the front and avoiding the unruly mob of recent grads, we sat in the back with our friends. We were the unruly mob.

The bus ride took about two and a half hours and along the way we stopped at a rest stop where Sami used 3,000 of our 10,000 wan to buy sandals because she only brought flip flops (even though we were informed to pack footwear suitable for rafting) and was afraid that she would lose them in the boat. Unsatisfied, she also purchased flimsy, plastic, neon-green "aqua socks" on site for 5,000 wan. She also forgot to pack a towel.

We were all very impressed with the river. We had actually taken an overnight hiking trip to nearby Sokcho the weekend before and were enthralled with the landscape. The deep river canyon, steep towering mountains and tan rock crags surrounded by lush green foliage was a welcome escape from our suburban sprawl.

 Sorry for the poor quality images. We weren't able to bring our cameras (because of the water and all) so I got these pics online.

Our guide did not speak a word of English, so we were directed by the translation of a friend and hand motions. Before take-off, we were instructed to form lines and perform selected calisthenics in unison. The jumping jacks and neck rolls reminded me of middle school P.E. At least it amused the locals.

The rafting was supposed to eat up two and a half hours, but we could easily have finished it in 30 minutes. To compensate, the guide had us float around for most of the time. The river was packed with rafts, and we could not help but tirelessly splash passersby with our paddles. I became an expert at splashing passengers in nearby rafts. My strategy was to wait for a real quiet time when both rafts were just floating and say, "hello" with a smile and simultaneously unleash a large volume of water into the face of my unsuspecting victim. It goes without saying that most of these victims were unaggressive western girls and young Korean children. One time I made the mistake of dousing a big South African dude. It was a great splash. There was lots of silence before, just like I like it, and the flying wave was expertly timed and executed. He looked pissed and said a few choice words in Afrikaans. Luckily, he didn't confront me later on. Maybe he forgot, or maybe he was just confused by my goofy grin. I like to look harmless while acting like an asshole. Ambiguity is one of my favorite tools.

Later, in an attempt to kill more time, the guide asked (as best we could understand) if there were any couples on the raft. Yes there were actually four sets of couples. Why? He wanted a couple to go to the front of the raft and play out the Titanic "I'm the king of the world!" scene. Sami was shivering cold and wanted no part of it. Truth be told, I didn't either, I was sick of being in the water and wanted to hit some big rapids. Unfortunately, the other couples were more persistent in objecting to the suggested torture, so we stepped up. Sami was terrified that I would push her in, but for some reason, I wasn't feeling it. Maybe I still felt bad about the Vuvuzuela. Anyway, I hold her up at the front and she has her arms out and we are doing the "Titanic" and we are entertaining the people on the two dozen other rafts surrounding us. Suddenly, I feel a huge push in my back and we go tumbling into the water. Of course, Sami thinks it was me and starts cussing me out until we learn that it was our Korean guide. The one who suggested the "Titanic" maneuver in the first place. Of course.

The bastard tour guide attempted to get us to play a few more time-wasting games (the thing about the "Titanic" trip is that it only works once), and the whole time I think about how I am going to get him back. The next game he suggests is one where we we sit on the edge of the raft across from each other and touch feet. He wants us to push off of each other's feet and have us tumble into the water backwards. Me and my partner go in because we are the two at the front of the boat. Of course, no one else goes in because they don't want to get wet, so we are floating in the water like idiots. However, while bobbing helplessly, I get an idea. I frog paddle as best I can to the back of the raft and have the guide help me up. I purposely struggle and let him do the bulk of the work. He pulls me into the raft and I lay there for s second belly-down. He is seated on the edge of the back of the raft. His feet are right next to my arm. Revenge. I hook the back of his ankles with my forearm and lift him up using my shoulder. He goes tumbling back-asswards into the water and I step on the edge of the raft, wait until he can see me, spread my arms and scream "I'm the king of the world! Whoooo! Hooo! Hoooo!"

At first he looks upset, but after I flash him my patented ambiguous grin, he got over it.

After rafting we were served lunch. There were some tourists on our trip and I got to explain some of the food to them ("This is kimchi" it is rotten cabbage. This is acorn jelly. It is good..."). After lunch, some people bungee jumped off a bridge. I didn't, but if we go again next year, I just might. It looked like a lot of fun.

The bus ride back was fairly uneventful. We were all tired from waking up so early, and I caught a short nap. There was a guy painting his face like a red devil for the South Korea World Cup Game that night. When I woke up and saw him, I was very confused. I know I acted like a jerk on the river with the splashing and the tipping, but did I really deserve a visit from Satan himself? Luckily, the red devil flashed me a goofy grin. I went back to sleep bewildered and bemused.

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