A Lesson in Humility

I've come to notice that very few Koreans wear sunglasses. We shared this observation with one of Sami's co-teachers and she explained that it is because they feel sunglasses make a person look arrogant.

In this society, humility is the most prized of all the virtues. If you are invited to someone's house and served a lavish meal that obviously took hours to prepare, the host will insist that it was quickly whipped up, and apologize for its simplicity. When I ask my students how they are doing, they always respond with a "so so" or "not so good." Saying that they are good or (heaven forbid) great is frowned upon. To do so would give off the appearance of gloating.

I have grown accustomed to the emphasis on this particular personality trait and have recently begun to wonder if I will notice a difference in the behavior of my fellow countrymen when we visit the states here in a couple of days. Sometimes I get uncomfortable on the subway when I see a foreigner speaking loudly on the subway, standing with their chest out and simply acting confident. In Korea, only babies and small children make noises louder than a whisper and everyone either avoids eye contact or pretends to sleep. Once, our University held an alumni dinner in Seoul and we were seated next to a young Korean couple. They said that the first thing they had to adjust to in the states was passing strangers  looking them in the eye and saying hello.

Of course, once you get to know an individual here, they can become a fast friend. I have introduced myself to a few regulars at the gym and it has become a ritual to say hello every time we occupy the same space. Even if I am in a dead sprint on the treadmill, they will come up and say "anyanghaseo!" Another friend of ours who runs the little store by our apartment has shared bags full of homegrown veggies with us.

Things are a little different for Sami though, as blatant sexism still persists. It is little things on the subway like being shushed for speaking English with one of her girlfriends (this would never happen if I was present), or a little kid making a sneering face and running from her, or even someone getting up to leave to a different part of the subway if she sits down next to them. The other day, I was with her on the subway when an elderly man got up out of his seat to get off. Sami and I were standing over him when he grabbed a Korean twentysomething and pulled him into his seat quickly, so that he would get to sit down instead of one of the foreigners. What the man didn't know is that we were actually getting off at the same stop. I was so irked that I intentionally bumped into him quite hard (when bumping into people is the norm, you have to do it pretty hard to get a response). He stumbled and uttered something, and of course I said "mehaneyo" (I'm sorry) and pretended it was an accident.

Sami was mortified, but it made me feel a little better. Lately, I have been getting too upset about the little things Koreans do that irk me. Maybe I need a lesson in humility. Luckily, I will have 17 days to forget about Koreans while I am in the states. Until then, I will get a chance to observe the actions of Americans through my arrogant eyes hidden by sunglasses.