Today I had a few of those "I hate Korea" moments. It has been stressful trying to get all of our affairs in order before we leave, and we've been trying like hell to ensure we receive every dime owed to us. Something came up today which put that goal in jeopardy and I did not handle it well. Lucky for me, I can always count on football and my favorite team to put me in a good mood. Sure, I get anxious and upset watching the games, same as everyone, but the love and excitement I have for the game and the team get me through a lot of stressful circumstances that pop up in other phases of life.
This story is about more than football. It is about what it means to be a fan. It is about shared experiences. It is about friendship. Specifically, it is about a man named Kyle.
In about a month, it will be ten years that I have known Kyle Bierman. I had just checked into my room on the first floor of Collier Hall, met my roommate and a few of the neighbors who would soon become my closest friends. Some of the Collier boys had been living there for a few days, others would show up later, closer to when actual classes started after the weekend. Those of us who made up the group decided to play a game of hoops at the courts behind the Bean dorm complex. I have always been of the opinion that you can tell a lot about a person by playing one game of basketball with or against them. With Kyle, I could tell that he sucked at basketball, but also that he was a fun-loving dude, makes the best of any situation, doesn't take himself too seriously, and has an overall positive outlook on life. My assessment couldn't have been further from the truth. With Kyle, clouds don't have silver linings, but rather black, shit covered ones.
But Kyle also loves college football. To show you how much he loves it, when he didn't have a ticket to the first home game our Freshman year, he offered a girl $60 for her ticket (which really doesn't sound like much now, but at the time when student tickets were free to those who showed up first in line, it felt like $600) without negotiation. She took him up on it, bought herself an Oregon jersey, stumbled into another ticket and still had beer money left over. To show you what kind of fan Kyle is, he grew up in Omaha and despised the Nebraska Cornhuskers. He watches the games to see teams fail. He hates SC, hates Ohio State, hates Notre Dame, hates Miami and hates the entire Southeastern Conference. He hates Texas so much that he chose to attend Oregon after Joey Harrington caught that trick play touchdown against them in the 2000 Holiday Bowl. His favorite play is a well executed coffin-corner punt.
Who would have thought that this little ball of pessimism, this five-foot seven self proclaimed "Jack Russel terrier" who has never played a down of football in his life (we had to show him how to throw a football. Without instruction he cupped the non-laces side in his tiny mitt like a waiter balancing a tray while riding a unicycle) could get me so fired up. The problem I have with him as a fan is that he never feels confident going into a game. We could be playing Portland State and he would shake his head and stutter:
"I dunno dude. Our defense is suspect."
He hedges his bets so that if we lose, it doesn't hurt as much. The problem is- the wins don't feel as good that way. Take for example, this conversation I had with Kyle today regarding the big game, grandma proofed (aka- edited for language):
11:36 AM Kyle: my prediction.... ducks 19, tigers 22
11:37 AM me: fudge you
what kind of alumnus says
you should be ashamed of yourself
11:38 AM Kyle: dude, i don't want to win the natty with a loss to the SEC
sorry
it would do very little for me
me: what does that have to do with anything?
we aren't losing that game
11:39 AM Kyle: dude
i dont know
11:40 AM i have had 2 dreams we lose to LSU
38-24
11:41 AM dude, last years title game was just too disappointing
I'm still not that over it
11:43 AM me: just have to play it out, but if we win by 2 scores or more I will never let you forget it
Kyle: good
i still think we will lose
we have no defense
and the SEC defense will be too powerful for our spread attack
11:44 AM just my gut feeling
me: you're wrong about us having no defense
Kyle: how can you possibly say that?
11:45 AM me: bcuz I follow the team
11:47 AM Kyle: nothing would have compared to winning last year... beating the SEC champ, undefeated
i can't let that go
11:48 AM me: if we lose by 2 touchdowns I will never let you forget it.
so basically you are
lose
11:49 AM put your homer hat on like the rest of us and shut the
enough barley soup
11:50 AM you are creating bad mojo
Kyle: sorry bud
11:51 AM I'm just not going to follow it as much
me: you would rather be 7-5 than lose the natty?
you need your head examined
Kyle: dude, its a
11:52 AM me: life is a journey kyle
Kyle: and to the SEC with
me: seek help. for your sake and mine
put money on lsu. that way you win either way
dead serious. how much is the win worth to you?
11:53 AM $500? $1000?
Kyle: no
zero
dollars
me: I seriously worry about you going Cobain on us.
11:54 AM Kyle: jesus
...
me: find the good Kyle
Kyle: dude
me: find the good
Kyle: stop that soup
me: 12-1 should make you
11:55 AM Kyle: dude, i just can't watch that much football
me: think of it as building blocks
11:56 AM we may slip up a couple of times/years, but we are on an upward progression. The days of being happy with 7-5 are done
we need to be expecting a win every game we play
11:57 AM as fans, we are there. this is the pinnacle
you need to get fired up. talk
Kyle: dude
no more
im out
11:58 AM me: get cocky!
we've earned this
Kyle: im 5 foot 6, i can't get cocky without getting my
me: be confident then
never predict a loss again! promise me that
11:59 AM keep it in the back of your head, but out of your mouth
Kyle: I'm starting to think man.... and don't take this the cobain way... getting hopeful only makes the disappointment so much harder to swallow when it happens
not just in football
for in general
12:00 PM and I'm sick of being so disappointed
me: life is a journey not a destination
don't you listen to aerosmith?
Kyle: no, i listen to grunge
that came after
aerosmith
me: this convo isn't over
gotta bounce for a few. stop being a butterfly
The point I was trying to make with Kyle is that as a fan, half the fun is the lead up to the game. You need to be confident and talk a little smack. It is healthy. I am fed up with his bet hedging, and I am not going to take it anymore. Therefore, if we win the game, I will rub it in his face for all eternity and always consider him a sub-par fan. Conversely, if we lose, I will blame him for the loss and remind him of it every week no matter how many big games we win subsequently.
At this point, you may be asking yourself many valid questions such as:
"Why does Joe continue his relationship with this wet blanket?"
"Why does he consider himself a Jack Russel?" and;
"Has he ever bedded a woman?"
Due to time constraints (I'm tired), I will address only the first.
Our Freshman year, me, "the weasel," "Schnickey Schneids," and Kyle "Bierduck" Bierman road tripped down to Berkeley for the Cal football game. "The Weasel's" parents lived in the bay area and he had a car. On the way down we partook liberally in a number of unmentionable, but relatively safe substances. We sat dreamlike, listening to music, shooting the soup, and otherwise feeling like we should- like we were Freshman in college on a road trip and the whole world was meant for us and this experience and this time. During one rather nostalgic moment, "The Weasel" queued up Sting's "Fields of Gold."
"You'll remember me, as the west wind moves upon the fields of barley..."
We each sat in our own worlds with a heightened sensitivity in a hotboxed Carolla. Myself? I thought of loves lost and gone and the possibilities ahead. At that moment, I may have turned into a shadow that could wander through time, a self-voyeur, urging myself to take a chance, take a different path. I never wanted the song to end.
"I never made promises lightly. And there have been some that I have broken..."
No one said a word during the song, but when it finished, our boy Kyle broke the silence.
"He, hey. Hey dude, play it again man." I looked into his glossy eyes and knew that he was dead serious. "Play it again."
And The Weasel played it again, because that's what we all wanted, and at that moment I knew I had a friend forever in Kyle Bierman.
So as football season draws nearer, billions of people will go about their daily lives. Perhaps they are interested in other things, such as (God help us) soccer. The important thing is I will be watching and so will Kyle. I will defend my team and Kyle will apologize for it. I will hunger for victory and Kyle will hide from defeat. But whatever the outcome, we will always be Ducks, and we will always be friends.
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