DMZ

The Demilitarized Zone (DMZ, the guarded piece of land sprawling the 38th parallel which creates the agreed upon border between North and South Korea) was about the only tourist spot we knew of when we first came to Korea. It was the one thing everyone asked us about before we left and the first subject we broached with our handlers upon arrival. Finally, after nearly two years, we made the trip this weekend.

We woke up at 5:00 am in order to reach the Camp Kim USO office at US Army Garrison Yongsan in Seoul. This wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been up so late the night before farting around on YouTube and making potato salad for the next days lunch. I was pleased with the salad, the trick being, as always, to leave the potatoes slightly undercooked.

The sun was up when we started out walk out, which somehow made it easier. A group of old men occupied the public pagoda nearest our apartment playing mahjong or some kind of domino game. We passed intermittent piles of barf on the sidewalks, further evidence of Korea's puke-and-rally soju drinking philosophy. At the train platform, I played my favorite game- a staring contest with the locals. You see, even after all this time, intrigued strangers feel compelled to study our facial features as if to memorize it for later use. Yes, we get it. We are white. Still, they don't like the tables being turned, which is why, much to my wife's horror, I will sometimes stop in my tracks and stare back, daring them to break eye-contact first. I always win.

While I have grown reluctantly accustomed to occasional Korean quirks, I understand that some serious reverse culture shock is in store for me upon our return to the states. I got small taste of this in the waiting room at the USO office. The people were huge! It is rare for me to pass someone in the street that is taller than me, but at the Army base, I felt like a shrimp. The ones that were shorter felt taller for their broad shoulders, wide necks, bulbous heads and swollen bellies. It was intimidating.

Later, on the bus, I got another taste of whats in store. A young woman talking on her cell phone consoled a friend who had just experienced a break-up by using words and phrases I hadn't heard in ages. Things like "doucebaggy," "chubby chick," and "what the fuck." When she compared her friend's emotional state to the one she experienced during her miscarriage, I began to appreciate the Korean people's penchant for modesty. Still, it's always a pleasure to revel in the colloquialisms of my fellow countrymen. When she said "New Orluns" and copped to being a resident of the Crescent City, I finally felt like I had learned how it was pronounced. Of course, this was before her husband or boyfriend chimed in with a "New Orleens." Either way, it wasn't "New Orlee-uns," as I had for so long figured.

Our tour guide was a smiling, energetic and cross-eyed Korean university student named Eun Jong. She decided that Eun Jong was too difficult for foreigners to say let alone remember, so she instructed us to call her "Bok Choy" like the Chinese vegetable. Bok Choy tried really hard to get the group rallied and excited, but the hour was not right. Her attempts at jokes were me with snickers at best. If this were a crew made up of native English speakers who chose Korea for employment in an elementary school, things would have been different. Instead, this group of mainly military, felt no obligation to play the game and ease the tension. When Eun Jong asked if anyone was from a country besides the US, someone blurted "Texas," to much delight.

It took an hour and a half to bus from Seoul to the DMZ where we were first treated to a presentation at Camp Bonifas before a tour of the Joint Security Area (JSA). The presentation, performed by a soldier who had long ago memorized all of the lines and barked them out like a drill sergeant, was short but impressive. He highlighted two conflicts that have taken place at the DMZ over the years: The 1976 Axe Murder Incident and the 1984 Soviet Defector.

On August 6, 1976, before the JSA was completely sectioned off, South Korean workers were chased off by North Korean guards while they attempted to cut down a poplar tree that was blocking the view of one of the guard posts. Considering the protests, US soldiers decided only to trim the branches from the tree on the 18th. The North Koreans interfered with the American officer who explained that the actions were legal. The North Koreans killed the captain and lieutenant on the spot with axes. After the incident, the US and Korean Armies went into DEFCON 2 and cut down the tree. That afternoon, an apology letter was sent from North Korean President Kim Il Sung and later a military boundary was drawn in the JSA.

On November 23, 1984, a Soviet citizen on a communist led tour of the Military Demarcation Line dashed across to the South Korean side. He was pursued by KPA officers firing weapons. Two South Korean soldiers were killed and three KPA were killed in the firefight.

Another item of interest touched on during the presentation was the explanation of two villages permitted to remain in the DMZ under the 1953 armistice agreement. In the south, the villages are knows as Freedom Village and Propaganda Village. South Korean residents of Daeseong-dong (Freedom Village) pay no national taxes, but must follow strict curfew rules. A man may marry a woman outside of the village and bring her in, but an outside man cannot marry into the village. Kijong-dong is called Propaganda Village after the incessant blaring of messages over megaphones accosting their southern neighbors to join their side. It is rumored that no one actually lives inside of Propaganda Village. The windows are painted on the buildings and there is hardly ever electricity. Still, Propaganda Village boasts the second largest flag in the world, built as a response to a large flag which was donated by the Olympic Committee to South Korea, who in turn donated it to the Freedom Village. The flag at Propaganda Village weighs 600 lbs. It takes a mighty wind to move it from its flaccid state.

Propaganda Village with the world's second largest flag

After the presentation we were passed along to a young Military Police who rode with us to JSA. Along the way, he explained to us that North Korea has the worlds 4th largest army, and its men are required by law to serve for 10 years. On a personal note, we found out that our young guide was only 19 years old and from Florida. It is crazy to think that a year ago he was a high schooler who didn't give two shits about Korea and now he is an expert on the history of the DMZ.

We were instructed to form two single-file lines as we approached the JSA. We walked through the Freedom House on the south side to face three blue shack looking buildings and two bookend gray buildings of similar construction. Directly in front of us was Panmun Hall. North Korean "tourists" moved about on the upper balcony of Panmun Hall and pointed and gestured at will. Two things we were specifically asked not to do.

Not sure if they are tourists or KPA soldiers looking at us across the way on the top balcony. I thought they appeared uniformed. Either way, it was a tense moment.

The JSA is the only spot on the DMZ where North and South Korean Armies face each other directly. We walked into one of the South Korean blue buildings used as a place for diplomatic engagements- something that hasn't happened for many years. The room itself was rather unspectacular save for the imposing guards that stand in a tae kwan do ready position with sunglasses and clenched fists. We were encouraged to pose with the guards, but not too close as they were liable to forearm us out of the way. Our guide explained that there are always two guards in the room to lock up the door because one time a KPA tried to bust in and pull one out.

Blue building is run by ROK, gray is KPA

After the JSA we drove past the Bridge of No Return, out to where we could get a better view of the opposing villages. Later, we spent time at a museum before venturing into the 3rd Infiltration Tunnel.

After the war, POWs were returned from both sides. The former prisoners could choose where they wanted to go, north or south across this "Bridge of No Return," but could not go back after making their decision.

The 3rd Infiltration Tunnel is one of four known "tunnels of aggression" created by North Korea as an attempt to reach Seoul. At first, North Korea denied that they were responsible. They claimed they were only mining for "coal" and pointed to the granite that they had painted black. It is believed that dozens more tunnels exist.

We entered the tunnels and grabbed hard hats from shelves. It is very steep going down and eventually, I had to crane my neck and crouch as we went along. There was a large group of students and scouts down there with us making noise. Some of them got a little pushy with Sami and this put her in an aggressive mood the rest of the way.

Next, it was time to eat lunch. Sami and I were the only people out of the whole group that brought a lunch with us. This wasn't so bad as we found a waiting area to eat and nap in while everyone else was upstairs. Waking up at 5 had finally caught up with me and I had one of those naps where you blink and 30 minutes are lost.

Our last stop was the Dorasan Station. Dorasan is the station that links North and South Korea. All Koreans, in their dream of unification, believe that it will once again carry passengers from one end to the other. For now, we had to settle for a novelty ticket stamp.

Inside Dorasan Station

Afterward, it was back to the bus where, hopefully, the girl from "New Orluns" was as sleepy as I was after lunch. I was ready to get back to the leftover potato salad in our apartment southward and safe from the DMZ.