Puerto Princesa Subterranean River National Park

The Philippines. Looking back through the pictures, I can see why I liked the place so. Friendly people? Yes, but that's not what I'm getting at. The food? Greasy and fatty...and that's not a bad thing. The booze? Cheap as hell, but no, the picture I'm referring to is a regulation basketball hoop backed up against the ocean. In it, the sky is clear and blue. There is no wall to keep the ball or a player from plunging into the Pacific, as if the goal is saying "you better not miss."

We saw more outdoor basketball courts in The Philippines than all of the other countries we visited in Asia combined. The TV in our hotel room had a channel devoted solely to the NBA called BTV-kind of a ripped off NBATV. Commercials touted basketball camps with regiments of youngsters dribbling and pivoting simultaneously. It felt so good to be among sane folk who appreciated a true sport.

We came upon this particular court during our trip to the underground river in Puerto Princesa, and loaded into a boat that would take us there from its sideline boundary. As we waited to be taken out to sea, small returning skiffs carrying four passengers rocked toward the concrete ramp. The wind picked up and created treacherous swells. The experienced crew expertly navigated the vessels to the landing zone, but tourists were on their own attempting to descend back onto land. Many lost flip flops as waves crashed into their backs, and one woman badly bloodied her foot and cried.

Somehow, we managed to board without injury along with two young Frenchmen. The young boys were tall, thin, bushy-haired and hairy-legged. They both wore stylish leather loafers as aqua socks and I once again marveled at the way Europeans left my own choice of footwear appearing tacky and unrefined. We motored along up and over the waves as warm salt water soaked their loafers and our legs.

At our destination we were greeted by a strip of beach leading to the entrance of the Puerto Princesa Subterranean River National Park. Limestone cliffs towered over our landing zone, so high that attempting to pose for a picture beside them failed pathetically. Our guide gathered our group- eight or so of us who took the same van in from the hotel, but had since been split up in small boats. Wooden signs marked with blue paint welcomed us and touted the parks UNESCO designation and nomination as one of the new seven natural wonders of the world. Actually, you can still vote- they are up for nomination online until November 11th. 

Soon we were outfitted with life preservers and hard hats. The lagoon area leading in to the underground river was crowded with tourists, and we spent a long while waiting our turn. To pass the time, Sami and I left the group to take pictures of the entrance of the cave and the two of us. The water leading in was an amazing blue-green that reminded me of one of the three colors present in freshly squeezed Aquafresh toothpaste. In the daylight, the mouth of the jagged cave entrance had lost it's spooky vibe, but I knew that flashlights could never fully vanquish the mood created by the eerie inner landscape.

Eventually, Sami and I were summoned as the last two passengers to complete a partial group, much to the dismay of a few in our original pack. We sat in the second row, behind an Asian couple that was in charge of the million candlepower spotlight, and in front of two older Frenchman whose footwear I failed to discern. 

 A passing boat inside

Like all of the guides in The Philippines, our navigator started each sentence with the phrase "Mamsir," a title of respect that covered both sexes.


"Mamsir, please keep your mouth closed. You may get limejuice. Mamsir, you know limejuice, it batshit."


The friendly guide repeated this joke at least a dozen times inside the cave, basically every time he wasn't instructing to the Chinese couple to point the torch at points of interest. Due to the guide's broken English, and what I could only imagine to be a less than fluent level of understanding on the part of the Chinese, the torchlight darted about and seldom landed on the intended target.

Inside view of the cave entrance, Puerto Princesa Subterranean River

Despite this, the underground river was a true joy. I guess I could liken the experience to The Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World, only with an extra terrestrial lunar landscape and thousands of sleeping bats. As you could have predicted based on previous posts, I shrieked with delight and horror as bats zipped by our boat at face level. They are so skilled and quiet that they never made contact, but they still freaked me the hell out, and I turned into a little girl, much to Sami's dismay.

On the way out we stopped and said hello to two creatures I have yet to develop a phobia from. Monkeys and monitor lizards who both (a sign informed us) help keep the park clean. After that it was back to the choppy water, a long van ride, and, hopefully, a little BTV.

Monitor lizards roamed near the entrance of the subterranean river